me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
