She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
