Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
