the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
