HIV tests are more positive than that guy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
