thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
