So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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