it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
