I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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