so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
