God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
