So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
