is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
