mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize