I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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