just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As shirtless as possible
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
