Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
