did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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