And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize