Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
