saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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