I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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