that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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