I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
