so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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