Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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