You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How naked do you want me to be?
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