I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
