I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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