They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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