Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had sex on a roof
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
