Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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