The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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