I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
