i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
