I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
