I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
