having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
