every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
