my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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