I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just gargled with NyQuil
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
