I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
