I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
