If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
