hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
