Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
