Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think my moral compass just broke
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