Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
