my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
