So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
