I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
