This girl is more easily done than said...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
