he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
