and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
