Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need water and some morals
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