I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
