I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
