**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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