turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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