I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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