I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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