Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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