i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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