YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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