Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
