paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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