You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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