im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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