this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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